


weakness

by mourningafter (orphan_account)



Category: Smosh
Genre: M/M, Smosh Games - Freeform, Song writing, sad breakup stuff, shaymien - Freeform, smosh - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-13
Updated: 2018-08-13
Packaged: 2019-06-26 04:18:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15655611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/mourningafter
Summary: i told you once, i swear to god i don’t need you; and i wrote that on my heart to see the words bleed through.





	weakness

**Author's Note:**

> this is a sad one !! sorry if i break your hearts skskksks

the way they end isn’t a huge surprise, but at the same time, he’s caught off guard. he knew it was going to happen, but he never believed it would be this soon. 

“we should take a break,” shayne tells damien that day, looking at the floor so he doesn’t have to meet his eyes. all damien can do is nod along with a pain stricken expression displayed on his features.

sure, he knew this would happen. for the past few weeks, their relationship had been on the rocks. arguments about the smallest things would break out and breakdowns would ensure. the most hurtfull words would fall from their tongues and would engrave in the other’s skin. insults were thrown like a ball at each other, scratching at their hearts.

the way shayne said the words though took a toll on damien. he said it so happily, like he would be okay with leaving damien behind. 

damien can only imagine how he’s going to sleep that night. how he’s going to go home alone and sleep by himself without shayne cuddled up next to him. how he wouldn’t have somebody groaning over how tightly damien held onto them, nobody to place kisses upon their forehead. it scared him.

shayne, on the other hand, would probably be just fine. he would find his way back to his apartment and hang out alone. drink some beers, maybe invite noah over and play some video games. shayne’s always been able to be own his own, he’s independent. he can keep a smile upon his face with no one’s help.

so damien just nods at the words. what can he say? this was it. this was the end of the two of them, one would say. he meets shayne’s eyes and he swears he feels pain in the back of his eyes.

shayne’s dumb hair is falling on his forehead and damien wants to lean forward and brush it away. he wants to tell a stupid joke and get shayne to laugh so that the boy won’t actually leave him. the thought of being alone wasn’t setting well in his stomach.

”okay,” damien whispers, his voice shaking. he gives his once best friend a nod of his head before he lets his feet carry him away. behind him, shayne turns away and walks in the other direction. 

the words kept replaying in the brunet’s head. they were on a break. no longer together. he could start dating again or he could just die alone from heartbreak. the whole weight of the world was laying on his shoulders now.

all he could imagine was how he was going to be alone. how he’s going to struggle to find any instance of happiness. his brain was set on shayne, and it probably always will be.

damien sits at his desk in the smosh games room, guilt and fear creeping up into his fingertips. his eyes train on the small font that is on the computer screen ahead of him while his heart bounces at the bottom of his stomach. he feels sick. absolutely sick, and there was nothing he could do.

he can’t run off to shayne now. there was nobody to complain about joven winning a game to. there was no one for damien to cry on, there was nobody for damien at all anymore. all there was damien’s thoughts to swirl in a small tornado in the back of his head. there was only the pain shooting up behind his eyes as he held back tears and bit back his feelings. it takes all he can not to start crying or to start talking to himself.

beside him, boze is struggling. she wants reach across and rub his back so he knows he’s not alone. she knew this was coming, everyone did. they were falling apart slowly and it was no one’s fault but theirs. sure, damien could feel himself falling slowly out of love, but in the moment, damn, he was still in love with the blond.

she stared at him for a moment before turning away. this was his fight and she shouldn’t interfere. he was on his own for this, and that was final.

in his brain, he bet that shayne was celebrating his breakup with the whole squad. he could invision shayne cheering, noah hugging him, keith clapping, courtney throwing a small miny party, and olivia doing her best to celebrate. the idea was hurting damien’s heart even more, but he knew that it was probably happening. it was shayne’s win and damien’s defeat.

the day carried on slowly, with damien’s heart dropping every single time he heard shayne’s voice in the hallway or one of his co-workers mention him. he knew they were also whispering about him. the news was most likely spreading: the shattered couple has broken up! what a thing to talk about.

damien didn’t move from his desk. he scrolled through instagram and twitter on his phone, avoiding all his own photos. sometimes he stumbled across some sort of cute screenshot a fan had gotten of him and shayne, and it took all he had not to freak out. the fans have been shipping them since damien appeared on the channels, even more so when they found out about damien and shayne’s disney past. everyone wanted them to get together, and sadly, they will never know that they were for a while. it’s a secret that will never come out of their mouths, even more so now.

biting his lip, damien looks at the time. he was supposed to appear in a board af video today, and that would happen in less than thirty minutes. so he got up and wandered to the room they shot in to get his mic set up and to talk over what game they would be playing.

his co-workers kept glancing at him. like he was going to explode any moment, finally lash out because of what had happened. but he was dormant. he would not let this breakup ruin his career and what he loved doing.

soon enough they were rolling. damien forced a huge smile on his face, acting excited over the game. boze kept glancing at him, joven had worry in his eyes. damien felt mari rub his shoulder at one point, but he brushed it off. he didn’t need this right now. he needed to get through the video.

once they were done, damien slumped in the chair. now he was exhausted. he would drive home alone, eat dinner alone, fall asleep alone. only him and his thoughts.

”damien? do you need to talk?” a voice from beside him asked sweetly, and he looked over to see mari. she looked very concerned over him. after all, she was like the group’s mom. “i heard what happened.”

he scoffed. “of course you have. hasn’t everybody by this point?” anger was coursing through his veins now, now that he was talking about it. “i don’t care. i don’t need someone to talk to. thank you, but no thank you.”

his voice cracked at the end. he really was upset over this. instead of fighting him back, mari reached over at him and pulled him into a hug. she held him tightly, and damien stayed still, afraid. joven was watching and so was boze, but neither said anything.

finally, he hugged her back as he became overpowered by his sadness. when the tears started falling, he grew weaker. he started apologizing to mari. he was saying her shirt was getting wet, he wasn’t worth checking up on, he was sorry for snapping. she only shushed him and held him closer.

maybe he pushed it away too hard. now it was all coming back to haunt him. he should’ve adressed his sadness and anger when he felt it. holding it back only caused it to become worse as the day went on. 

soon, joven and boze joined in the hug, just letting their friend know that they were there. even though joven hates hugs, and boze wanted to stay out of it, they still did it just so damien knew he wasn’t alone.

after the breakdown, damien decided to head home. boze offered that she could come over if he wanted, but he gave her a sad smile and declined. being alone couldn’t be as hard as he was imagining. being alone could do him some good.

the drive home was silent. the rumbling of the wheels on the concrete was peaceful. honking from other cars filled his ears as he tapped on the steering wheel. 

usually, shayne would be sitting in the seat next to him. the window on shayne’s side would be rolled down and he would be scrolling on his phone or jamming out to music. sometimes he would hold one of damien’s hands as he drove, giving the brunet some comfort after a long day. 

he was missing the blue eyes. he was missing the wind blowing shayne’s blond hair. he was missing holding his hand so he didn’t get worried. and now he was alone, just like he wished.

his brain was filled with colors. like how shayne reminded him of a bright blue, painted in different shades. layers of blue on a canvas to set up in the right side of his head so he could always remember. shayne was also a bright red, full of love and happiness. shayne reminded him of anything bright, just because he was that type of person.

damien swallowed down some of his anxiety, shaking his head. he had to stop thinking about shayne. he had to stop thinking about how soft shayne’s hair is or how bright his smiles always were. the way that shayne made damien’s heart skip a beat every time he locked eyes with him. it hurt.

damien slid out of his car when he reached his apartment. the stairs were annoying but upon reaching his door, he fumbled with his keys to put it in the lock. as soon as the door opened, damien could smell the familiar scent of wax burning.

the blond could’ve gotten off work before damien and came to pick up some of his stuff. the theory came true when damien’s eyes landed on a small post-it note on the counter, in shayne’s chicken scratch handwriting.

_i stopped by to pick up some clothes and decided to make sure some stuff was picked up before i left! i left my key on your nightstand; i’m not going to break in. have fun!_

it felt unreal. his heart began breaking even more when he reread it. shayne left his key. he really didn’t think they would get back together. he was leaving damien for good.

the note fell from damien’s hand as tears pricked in his eyes again. they began falling when he kept realizing that this was it. he didn’t have a boyfriend anymore. his best friend was himself now. he rubbed at his eyes and hurried to his bedroom and broke down even more when he saw the stupid silver key.

with shaking fingers, he picked it up, choking on his tears, and turned it over in his hand. he was alone. there was no way he and shayne would ever get back together.

after damien had calmed down, he made himself a bagel in the toaster and ate it plain. he was too exhausted to do anything for himself. he didn’t want to shower, make sure he was okay. 

he collapsed in his bed fully clothed. sleep wouldn’t come, but his eyes stayed on the ceiling. flashes of shayne crossed his brain as he remembered small things about his ex. 

such as the day when damien broke their bed. he had jumped on it, causing it to fall to the ground. he had laughed about it and shayne scolded him, only to finally laugh about it as well. together, they fell asleep on their couch while watching some horror movie. his arms were snaked around shayne’s waist and his fingers played in his hair. 

he also remembers the day shayne almost made their microwave explode because he left a fork in his bowl of ramen. the kitchen smoked and they managed to get it out, but they ended up having to buy a new microwave. shayne apologized profusely, and from then on, damien helped shayne cook his ramen by making it in a pot on the stove.

the day they got a new cat was exciting. shayne’s never been a huge cat person, but being dads over an animal meant a lot to the two. a week after they got the cat, she managed to escape and they hadn’t seen her since. damien placed blame upon himself but he knew it was shayne who left the door open. they never fought over that but they both agreed they weren’t ready to take care of something after that.

at this moment, damien wanted to call shayne just to hear his voice. so he could get closure and fall asleep. all he wanted was shayne’s body falling asleep next to his, bringing his anxiety down and helping him fall asleep. 

so, even though he knew it was wrong, damien reached over and grabbed his phone off his nightstand. shayne was probably not even going to answer- they were broken up, why would he?

the contact hurt damien’s heart. it read “baby boy” with a bumblebee beside it, a small little inside joke about some bee that tried to live in shayne’s hat once. the memory made damien smile sadly.

he hit the call button.

it was ringing. so shayne hasn’t blocked damien or anything, so that was good so far. he was worrying. shayne could totally decline his call or ignore it so it didn’t go through.

right as it was about to go to voicemail, a voice picked it up. damien’s breath caught in his throat as he heard shayne’s tired voice come through. “damien? it’s one in the morning. you alright?”

he was asking if damien was okay. there was a hint of worry in his tone and it made damien want to throw up and cry at the same time. so he nodded and struggled to speak back. “i- i guess.”

”having anxiety?” the question was sincere, and damien knew that shayne knew that he had really bad anxiety. but damien shook his head.

”just needed to hear a voice,” he whispered. “why’d you pick up?”

shayne sighed. “i promised you i would always answer your calls no matter what. i’m sticking to that.”

”thank you.”

from the other end, damien could hear noah. so noah did stay over. “shayne, i’m hungry.”

shayne groaned and damien laughed to himself. “in the fridge.” he then directed his next words to damien. “sorry about that. noah stayed over to watch some game of thrones and he fell asleep on my couch.”

”it’s cool.” damien wanted to tell shayne that he missed him and it’s only been a few hours. he wanted to express that he missed shayne’s beautiful voice next to him, how he missed seeing all those bright colors radiate off of him. “i’m just at home.” 

the blond mumbled something incoherent. “i heard what happened after filming board af. you okay?”

”not really. it’s dumb,” damien admitted, gripping the phone tightly. “i’m sorry.”

”don’t be. and it’s not dumb, dames, we’re all human.” the nickname made damien’s heart pick up as he listened. “i’m proud of you. it’s hard. i’m finding it difficult myself.”

damien bit his lip. so shayne was struggling with this too? “it’s just odd. upsetting. i hate being alone.”

”me too.” at that moment, damien could hear noah screaming something from another room causing shayne to chuckle. “he just fell. what a nerd.”

damien cracked a small smile. “glad you’re okay, bab- shayne.”

he hummed. “i’m getting there.”

”i can’t sleep,” the brunet looks at the wall. “it just doesn’t feel right without your stupid body here.”

he regretted saying that. shayne didn’t need to know that damien was a wreck over this. and maybe the boy already did know, but he didn’t need to know it was affecting him so heavily.

the line went silent as shayne searched for his next words. damien felt pure anxiety now. shayne hated him. he was struggling over this breakup on the first day, and it was dumb.

”i’m sorry, damien.”

damien was crying again. that was such a pitiful answer. he was alone, truly alone at this moment. he sobbed against his own will. “l-listen, i g-gotta go.”

”no, wait, dami-“

he hung up quickly, feeling every bad thought surround his body. this was so dumb. he shouldn’t have called his ex, he shouldn’t have called anyone. what happened to being alone? he needed to stop relying on people.

with a shaking voice, he whispered to himself over and over about how he doesn’t need shayne. he doesn’t need the way shayne hugs him to feel better, he doesn’t need his dumb, comforting words to make him feel better. he was fine on his own.

at 2:43am, damien jolted up when he heard a knock at his door. his brain jumped to the nearest thought: shayne came to make him feel better. 

he scrambled out of his bed and ran to his living room, unlocking his front door and throwing it open.

there, in front of him, stood boze. she gave him a sad smile and hugged her tall friend, noticing how he fell apart because it wasn’t shayne.

”shayne called me. said you were upset and needed some cheering up,” she told him, pulling him further into his apartment and shutting the door. “so, you and i are going to have some damien and boze time. i’m going to kick your ass at mario kart.”

and somehow, it worked. the two friends played games for the whole night, and shayne left damien’s mind. 

that night he sent shayne a text. 

**to: shayne**

**thank you for calling boze. i needed that, and i appreciate it a lot. i’m sorry for freaking out on call, it’s been a long day. but i promise you, i will move on. if not tomorrow, then soon. it takes a while before that kind of stuff happens.**

**if you ever want to try being an us again, just tell me. we do work at the same place and you are my best friend. i’ll bend over backwards for you. you’re the only person i’d do anything for.**

**sleep well, shayne. i do love you.**

damien fell asleep after it was sent. he would be okay- with or without shayne.

**Author's Note:**

> im really active on twitter btw !! my twitter is @demiboydamien so yes


End file.
